COVID: Locked Down but Uplifted
Double Knitting creates some fantastic opportunities for artistic expression. These appear to be two different projects but they’re really two sides of the same scarf.
Double knitting is the process by which a fabric is knit up that appears to look the same on both sides. The reality is, however, that it is two fabrics knit up simultaneously. This technique creates a double thickness fabric and presents many opportunities for some wonderfully artistic designs. Essentially, each side can tell its own story. Stockinette is the normal stitch used for this technique, but one can implement creative purls, lace, even Fair Isle and colorwork motifs. The only limitations are those set by the actual knitter.
Just like double knitting creates one fabric out of two, I believe there are two sides to every story, and at least two perspectives on every life event. Take, for example, this knitting blog. It is absolutely a knitting blog, but it is also one about life. The fabrics of life and knitting synthesize to create the full experience. The COVID lockdowns were rough for everyone involved, but they ended up helping us realize the things that really mattered. As a result, these lockdowns ended up allowing many of us to restructure our lives to prioritize what mattered. This positive outcome would not have happened without the negative experience of being locked down and isolated from everything we love. Because I mainly focused on experimenting with double knitting during this time, I thought it would be a fitting theme for this story.
After I left Purl Soho, I had my sights set on college. However, I still wasn’t entirely convinced this was the right path for me. I had little interest in sitting through classes and had already withdrawn from several semesters due to serious life events; but I knew my chances of succeeding in life would be significantly higher if I went. It was also what I was expected to do. My time in the Navy earned me a free college education, so I had nothing to lose. The main obstacle was, however, the increasingly turbulent nature of my family life. There was no real stability at home. It was just not an environment I could study and thrive in. Fortunately, I was able to find a nice apartment I could afford not more than five minutes away from my parents’ house. The aim wasn’t to completely abandon my family. It was simply to create some boundaries so I could figure my life out and succeed in school. I’m glad I was able to do this before COVID sent rent prices into the stratosphere.
I settled into the quaint one-bedroom in January of 2020 and got to work. I started what would become an interesting semester and began to satiate my appetite for life. That year would prove to be a time of rapid growth and liberation. I started out as an engineering major at the local community college. This was, of course, what I was expected to do. I also finally began warming up to the idea of going back to church and rekindling my spiritual life. That was something I had actually been wanting to do, not merely something expected of me. The year began on a very strong note. I had overcome my Facebook addiction and deleted my account and app. I was excelling in all of my classes. I had just gained independence and was ready for freedom and success. During this time, at the advice of my new spiritual guide, I began to read a book called The Orthodox Prayer Life by Fr. Matthew the Poor. Extreme Ownership (by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin) helped me turn my life around. Fr. Matthew’s book would cement that change.
The Orthodox Prayer Life is a short, but dense read. It was actually the first spiritual book I ever read. It ended up becoming a great blueprint for Christian spirituality. Because it is filled with so much insight, however, I could only get through about two pages each day. It took me a while to finish reading it, but by the time I was done I was a new man. Being Coptic Orthodox, church was a fundamental part of my life and upbringing. I actually enjoyed going and attending the services. Like most people though, my faith wasn’t very concrete for most of my youth. I’d find myself doubting, questioning, or being uncertain about certain things. As a result, my spiritual life was effectively snuffed out while I was in the Navy. Even after I got out, it took about two years before I fully warmed up to the idea of returning to church. This book reignited that spiritual flame and taught me a lot about my ancient faith. For the first time, I was beginning to understand that Christianity is about having a personal relationship with God, not mindlessly following church rules. Understanding the why is key. I think that’s why Christianity gets so much hate these days. It’s not something that can be forced on people, used as political leverage, or as a means for controlling the masses. It certainly should never be a tool for oppression either. Maybe modern Christians simply lost sight of the fact that this faith is simply an invitation. True Christianity, is a lifestyle that is built around a personal experience with God.
Fr. Matthew’s book does a fantastic job explaining this through the use of ancient quotes and contemporary analysis. After finishing this book, I found myself ordering English versions of the ancient sources he references. I was absolutely hooked. It wasn’t just spiritual books either. I was also reading the military memoirs Jocko was reviewing on his podcast and other self-help and history books. These all had a profound experience on my personal development. I went on such a spiritually-charged growth journey that year that it felt like I was making up for all the time I lost while I was in the military. Even knitting became a meditative and spiritual practice. I’d contemplate what I had just read, or put on a nice podcast, as I was working the knits and purls. It was a very beautiful time.
Then, sometime around Spring Break, we began hearing rumors about this weird new virus that was about as deadly as a papercut. For some reason, it caused schools to shut down and run their classes online. I wanted to finish the semester, but I wasn’t too keen on returning to school after break. I distinctly remember being excited when my school announced that they would shut down too. Little did I know, the whole world would soon follow suit.
At first I thought the lockdowns meant more time to read and knit. I thought the online classes would be easy. I was pretty happy. This was every knitter’s dream! After routinely spending more than seven hours staring at a computer screen on some days though, I had enough. I quickly lost hope, interest, stopped attending my classes, and lost myself playing World of Warcraft with my friends. They had just released WoW Classic and we were hooked. It’s kind of funny, whenever things truly fall apart in my life I find myself returning to that game. That lasted a few weeks until the semester ended and I found myself in need of money with which to pay rent. Although I technically finished the semester, I don’t count it as a successful completion. I basically quit and informally withdrew. This would be another failure when it came to completing college (but all was not lost). I wish I could say I used this time to start a knitting business, but instead I actually got a job working at a bottle-making plant nearby. That helped me regain lost ground in terms of self-discipline and focus. It was going well until they put me on the night shift. Sadly, that caused me to lose a lot of my newfound growth, so I decided to leave and salvage what I could. I fell back into the routine of knitting, reading, praying, learning, and listening to podcasts. These would eventually become the keys that unlocked my chains.
At this time I was still working through a lot of the mental hurdles and roadblocks that form as a consequence of immigration. That’s what prevented me from pursuing my fiber business dreams then. Being immersed in one culture while living in another creates a lot of tension. It’s a recipe for mental and emotional problems. My parents kept urging and advising me to do stuff as if we still lived in Egypt. It was sound advice, it just wasn’t what I wanted to do. I wanted to make my American Dream a reality. I was torn between following the traditions of my people, living up to the expectations of my parents, and realizing my dreams. I felt like there was no real right answer because the trail I was on had yet to be established. I suppose that meant there was no real wrong answer either, but at the time it felt like everything I was doing was wrong because it was different. Things came to a head as I was getting ready for the fall semester. Online chemistry and electronics labs in the spring left me with a bad impression and little desire to continue in engineering. All the books I was reading, and perhaps the influence Jocko’s of podcast, were pointing me in an entirely different direction. I suppose this is a common theme in my life by now, but that fall I broke with tradition once again.
You probably would’ve never guessed it, but this pouch was actually worked up using double-knitting. The cool thing about the technique is it leaves a gap in between the fabrics, as if the project was worked in the round. This piece is very practical and has benefited me many times.
The decision to become an English major shouldn’t have been a controversial one. I was simply pursuing something I loved and would figure out the rest as I went along. It’s a normal, American thing to do. Yet everyone in my family and community of Egyptians did their best to convince me I would be poor for the rest of my life, would never find good work, and would never find a suitable wife to start a family with. If my life were in fact a double-knit piece, this would be a section where the fabrics clashed wildly. For some reason, everything comes back to having a suitable wife and starting a family. It’s just the way our culture is. I don’t understand this extreme obsession with reproduction, but that’s neither here nor there. Against all odds, I followed my gut and became an English major. It was a huge decision at the time.
I can’t say for certain that it was the right call, because I have yet to find a good job and a suitable wife, but in terms of learning, growth, and personal enrichment, this was absolutely the right decision. Having an English degree means more than just being able to write poetry or analyze Shakespeare. It means being able to think critically, analyze complex ideas, write and communicate clearly, and having the ability to distill all of these critical thoughts and analyses into easily digestible formats. I find it astounding that people don’t value these things as much as they value STEM degrees. Perhaps that’s why our society is in decline. I found being an English major to be an incredibly fulfilling and rewarding experience. I would highly recommend it to any young person who hasn’t decided what their major should be, but with a word of caution to manage their earnings expectations after graduation. I likely would not be as peaceful, content, or fulfilled of a person if I had not gotten this degree. I also very likely would not have started this blog. I might have made more money…but it would’ve cost me my soul.
This was perhaps the most unique of my projects to come out of the COVID era. It is a double-knit beanie. It was my first time designing a beanie like this. My friend asked me for something Polynesian-inspired and this was the closest I could get. I just wish I was as competent of a photographer as I was a knitter back then. Don’t you hate it when a blurry photo ruins a memory?
Making that fateful decision to change majors is when things began to come together in my education. That fall, I only took one class, History of Western Civ 2, because I was working another maintenance job. I wanted a light course-load to test the waters with. It was also all I really had time for with this new job. It ended up being the first semester I successfully completed in years. I finally did it! I finished a semester! Suddenly, my degree prospects were looking up! This small victory is exactly what helped me build enough momentum to keep going and eventually get a full bachelor’s degree. It was well worth the effort. It was a sad triumph, however, because my mom ended up passing away during my final semester at university and couldn’t attend my graduation ceremony. I honestly did not feel like celebrating my graduation because the loss was so heartbreaking. But her memory and legacy are what keep me going. It just goes to show you can’t take anything for granted.
2020 started off strong and I feel like it ended on a good note. I finally completed a college semester successfully. I was much calmer, more knowledgeable, and at peace with my family. I actually quit drinking and successfully left all of social media that year (I stayed off of Instagram until I made one to promote this blog). I was much more involved with church and actively felt the Lord’s presence in my life. I felt like I was finally reconciling the American and Egyptian fabrics that comprised my double-knit life. As 2020, the fall semester, and my lease were drawing to a close, I had another fateful decision to make. Would I continue living a financially burdensome but peaceful existence in my apartment, or move back home and expose myself to the chaos once again?
Although I was apprehensive, I chose family for better or worse. Despite the chaos at home, I actually missed my parents and siblings. I was visiting so often that having my own apartment didn’t really make sense. That December, I left my job, left my apartment, returned home, and registered for 15 credits that following spring. I had been blessed with another chance at life, and was determined to make the most of it. This time, however, my mom’s cancer would exact a much heavier price. But, that story is for the next blog post. Thank you so much for reading my stories. I appreciate your time and support and hope to see you in the next one!
