Sowing Seeds For The Future

Making this blanket helped me work through a really tough time in my life. Clearly I had no idea how to style backgrounds for my photos back then. The mess is certainly a sign of the times.

The seed stitch is a simple stitch that creates a wonderfully textured fabric. It was one of the first stitches I learned and is very similar to ribbing. Knit one purl one, but each row is offset from the one prior. That way, instead of getting ribs, you get seeds. It is very difficult to mess up and very easy to get lost in and let your mind wander while working it. This was exactly how I worked through the transition from the Navy to civilian life.

Getting out of the military is no simple task. The only people who understand how challenging it is are those who have gone through it themselves. I got out of the Navy in November of 2018 and had no idea what to expect. Things were incredibly uncertain at that time. My mom still needed support through her treatments and we had just finished a year-long renovation of our house. I was literally trading the lifestyle I enjoyed, the environment I felt comfortable in, the friends and role models that nurtured me, and a steady paycheck for the uncertainty of civilian life and family. I really had no idea what I was doing or what I was getting into. I wish I could say the choice was an easy one, but that was simply not the case. At the time, there were a significant amount of problems at home. I will not list the details here, but suffice it to say, no one would have faulted me for leaving to make a life for myself somewhere else. However, that was my only family, and I simply could not give up on them. Also if I had left, I would have missed out on the growth I’d experience in the following years. So, for better or worse, I made the sacrifice and chose family.

Now, six years later, I can say it was the right choice. At the time, however, it felt like swimming through an ocean of anxiety and dread. I was drowning in bad habits and destructive coping mechanisms. Immediately after getting out the Navy, I got a job. I was working as a field service technician for a company that sold and maintained perimeter security equipment like bollards and gate arms. It was an okay job, but I rarely got to spend any time at home. The pay was decent, but the working hours and travel consumed my life. Ultimately, I decided to leave them in March of 2019 after they sent me across the country for roughly five weeks to begin work for a new client. That project was riddled with frustration, disasters, and stalled paperwork. Ultimately, I decided it was not worth my time. I literally got out the Navy to be with my family, and now I was being robbed of them by this silly job. It was not worth it to me, so I left.

I love the texture that the seed stitch creates.

I think many employers like to capitalize on hiring people who are fresh out of the military. They know they have a strong work ethic, rarely complain, rarely take time off, and don’t know how to negotiate for better pay and benefits. They’re easy to take advantage of. I felt like that’s what was going on with me. So, for better or worse, I left with little more than a few grand in the bank and hopes and dreams as a back-up plan. Sure, it might have been a reckless move, but I like to live on the edge. The brink is where life happens.

Some people say hopes and dreams is not an acceptable course of action, but those aren’t really the type of people I’d get along with. In hindsight, all I’ve done since getting out the Navy is chase my hopes and dreams. Has it paid off? Not yet. Will it pay off? Subscribe and find out. Am I enjoying the journey? Without a doubt. So, that March, after I left that job, I picked up my knitting needles and began to lose myself in the land of dreams.

I appreciated all the hope and ambitions this blanket inspired. But I also appreciated the anxieties in helped me work through.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have my doubts.

What will I do for work?

How can I make money?

Should I use my GI Bill and go back to school?

Should I follow the path my parents are setting for me, or make my own?

I should start going to church again soon.

I need to quit going out so much.

How can I turn my life around?

All those, and more, were the thoughts that dominated my psyche. Like I said, it was a very difficult and uncertain time. But also, it didn’t really matter. As destructive as that anxious uncertainty was, it melted away as soon as I picked up my knitting needles. That was exactly how this seed stitch blanket saved me from myself during those months. From March until May I seeded away. I poured all of my hopes, worries, dreams, thoughts, plans, ambitions, and prayers into that blanket. The wonderful thing about knitting is that it took all of those things and exchanged them for serenity. For those few hours out of the day I spent knitting, I was happy. In hindsight, I feel like it was the hand of God working through this craft to put me at ease, but you can take that with a grain of salt. I am a faithful and spiritual man, but I won’t push my beliefs on anyone.

Please ignore the brooms in background and appreciate the colors and texture of this crocheted border.

While I was going through this phase, that blanket did more to help me through the military to civilian transition than anything else. I really enjoyed working the seed stitch and seeing the fabric grow. This is one of the most rewarding things about the craft. It is not a fast process by any means, but you really get to see and enjoy the fruits of your labor. I also really appreciated the yarn because it was my final purchase from the Yarn Club before I left Virginia in 2017. I can’t recall the name of the brand, but it was a transitional cotton. Rather than it being self-striping or variegated, it just transitioned between colors. It was an awesome concept and I really enjoyed working with it. I finished the blanket by working a crocheted border around it. I used the second skein I had of that transitional yarn. I felt like the crocheted border added a nice touch to the project. The blanket kept me warm and added a cozy feel to my room for a few years. I really liked having it because it reminded me of the struggle I overcame. Ultimately, I was more than delighted to gift it to my good friend and his wife as a housewarming gift. I didn’t do a good job of explaining the story behind it then; but I hope it gives them the same peace it gave me and helps them through any big struggles they have like it did for me.

Alas, the blanket was conceived, born, gifted, and its chapters with me came to a happy ending; but the transition was far from over. I still had a lot of self-improvement to do. At first I thought the transition would be easy. Then, after maturing a bit, I decided it was a lifelong process. Now, I believe it is a myth. Sure, I’ve been out of the service for about six years now, but I don’t feel like the Navy truly left me. It’s there in the discipline I’ve cultivated, the work ethic I’ve built, the way I carry myself, and the high standards I set for myself and those around me. In order for those traits to shine, however, I needed to put in a lot of effort to polish myself. That is where the next chapter of this story picks up.

That May, after finishing this blanket, I stumbled upon a hiring ad by Purl Soho. I couldn’t resist applying. Working there would be the next formative experience of my civilian life. That, however, is a story for another time. Thank you so much for indulging me and my stories. See you in the next post!