The Pursuit

My sister loves taking candid photos of me. In this photo I am making her a surgeon’s hat out of some old scrubs she didn’t need anymore. Upscaling for the win!

Sewing is the fiber art that has always eluded me. The pursuit began early on in life. One of the few things I remember from my childhood is my aunt buying my sister a sewing machine for kids. I don’t know how my sister felt about it but I thought it was the coolest thing ever. At the time, I had no idea what it was. I just thought it was something new, intriguing, and my sister and I shared everything so I wanted to play with it. To my surprise, and dismay, my aunt said no. Apparently, this particular toy was only for girls. I was incredulous. I’m not sure if that’s an appropriate word to describe a child’s emotions, but that’s what I’m going with. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t play with this particular “toy.” I still don’t.

With roughly 25 years of hindsight, I still can’t justify my aunt’s actions. I think she was being very shortsighted and unimaginative. Rather than having my sister learn how to sew, neither of us learned how to sew. My sister was just not interested enough and evidently I wasn’t the right gender. Clearly, I’m still upset about this! I could have had another really fun hobby to do alongside crochet while growing up. I could have made amazing things. I might have even been able to turn it into a business. Instead I had to just be bored and get yelled at. This is the tragic fruit of stifled talent. One could say my aunt was a product of the culture she grew up in, but I think that’s an easy out and not very valid. My mom was a product of that same culture, and she had no problems with teaching me how to crochet. I also still ironed my clothes, cleaned, cooked, and was involved with other domestic tasks. If this was truly a gendered environment then I would not have been involved with any of those. I guess sewing is where my aunt drew the line. At any rate, I’m glad my mother didn’t feel this way about crochet. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be here right now.

My car’s shifter was falling apart so I got an aftermarket knob and sewed together a new liner for it. Loved making this project. Sadly the fabric is not very lightfast. Hopefully I can dye it soon.

Suddenly, everything changed after we immigrated. My aunt and my old life were completely out of the picture. We were on our own and had to figure things out. I did not have time to gripe about not being able to sew because I had bigger things to learn. Thankfully, though, I had crochet. Somewhere along the line I picked up hand sewing, but machine sewing was a skill that continued to evade my attempts at mastery. There was so much mental red tape around it because of that one thing my aunt did that I did not believe that I could learn it. I was my own worst enemy but, I refused to give in.

Alas, as the saying goes, life went on. Many years passed, and the pursuit faded into the dark recesses of my mind. It was not until much later, as a freshly minted veteran who just got out of the Navy, that the desire rekindled itself. The game was on. During the Pandemic I ordered a sewing machine and a bolt of muslin fabric. I don’t remember what my exact reasoning was, but I just really wanted to have a sewing machine and thought I’d finally be able to pursue my sewing dreams. I was living on my own at the time, and believed I could make it happen. Somewhat unsurprisingly, it became an expensive shelf ornament. I just couldn’t bust through the mental red tape. It was a big letdown, but the dream lived on.

I did not sew anything in this picture, but if I could’ve, I would’ve made that suit jacked a bit wider. Yes, that is a formal fanny pack.

Thankfully, more steps were taken in that direction. That following year, I started working at a suit store to try and work my way into a tailoring apprenticeship. However, there was no apprenticeship. I was getting played. Either way, tailoring apprenticeships are rare and really hard to get into in the this country (the US). Although I enjoyed working as a sales associate, it ultimately was not what I aspired to be. I ended up leaving because of other life events. Back then, I was a full-time college student and providing full-time care for my mom as she fought her war with cancer. Before I left, I expressed my desire to learn sewing to the tailor, and he gave me some powerful words of encouragement. Somehow, his words effortlessly dispelled the gendered aspect of sewing that my aunt planted in me all those years ago. He simply said, “Youssef, the best chefs are men, the best tailors are men. Women do those things and they’re great at them, but the best are men. You can do whatever you want.”

Although I personally believe both genders to be equal and have the same potential to achieve greatness, his words struck a cord with me. In fact, They helped me get back to that belief in equality. Here I was believing I was trying to do something weird and carried around a lot of embarrassment about it because of something my aunt did, and this man had the antidote. I realized that men have been doing “women’s work” work since antiquity, and can be just as good, if not better, at it. Likewise, women have been doing “men’s work” since antiquity and can absolutely be just as good, if not better, at it. Men and women need each other and bickering about gendered roles is silly. I believe that to be human means having the capacity to reinvent oneself and possessing the capability to do it. Humanity is the intersection between the physical realm and the one of imagination. We, as human beings, are unique among the creatures of the Earth in that we can take our thoughts and make them reality. This is expressed in all sorts of ways from art to philosophy, from literature to construction and politics. To me, the ultimate expression of humanity is to break one’s chains and attain to the ultimate potential of his or her nature. Nowadays, the gender barrier has been broken, and I believe that’s a good thing; but in my own little microcosm of the world, I needed to hear this tailor’s words in order to start sewing.

Shortly after I left that job, I went to a fabric store and picked out a beginner bag pattern and some fabric to go along with it (pictured above). I sewed it up within a few days then went back for more. I was no longer hamstrung by an archaic belief in gendered norms. Unfortunately, my mom’s health took several downturns and I had to pause the pursuit for a while again. Two years later, on October 21, 2023, my mother passed away. She fought cancer valiantly, and has finally found peace. Now she, and this dream, live on within me.

As the proud son of a powerful, forward-thinking, and visionary woman, and one of the inheritors of her legacy, I will continue to be all I can be.

My mom handled metastatic breast cancer with such grace. It was only after she passed that I began understanding what an incredible woman she is. She continues to be an inspiration for me as I continue my journey through this life.

This year, in March 2024, I committed to taking sewing classes at a local community college. I am happy to say I will finish my first pair of pants soon! Hopefully the college continues offering those classes and I can complete the program and get an actual certificate. I’m happy that I am finally stepping out of the gendered shadow my aunt cast over me, and into the light of endless possibilities that my mom continues to shine for me. With sewing, there is no limit. I could tailor, make clothes, hiking gear, camping gear; I could mend my clothes; I could sew together my knitting or weaving; I could literally combine all of the fiber crafts! The pursuit continues; and the acquisition is at hand.